Purple Monster

I have tried and failed to really get writing this year – mainly due to various health problems, not least of which was the covid. I have written about this on other blogs and barriers it has popped up but I feel my prose writing has probably taken the biggest hit especially the Punk’s Universe.

There are many reasons for this starting with the fact that I was just too sick to write for most of this year – I had a half hearted attempt at some CampNaNo but didn’t really get anywhere. I’ve had to adapt to my eyesight being damaged and potentially getting worse as well as lapses of fever, headaches over and above the migraines I normally have and of course a series of seizures and so on.

I am also adapting to having one (possibly 2) more autoimmune diseases which have been switched on by this damn virus and things like hospital trips with heart pain so bad I couldn’t speak.

Once the physical is taken into account there is the mental toll all of this has had on me and my family who had to watch me being carted off in an ambulance with no idea if they would ever see me again. I haven’t seen my friends or gone to writing events – in fact the last time I saw anyone socially as it were was a funeral. I have also now slightly lost track of how many friends have died and keep trying to message them and I missed a zoom funeral because I couldn’t get the computer to play ball.

Then there are carer responsibilities – once I was well enough my elderly mum came back which was just as well as my family who were looking after her have been flooded out of their home and it’s all a bit rubbish if I am honest.

Even with mask wearing my kids keep bringing colds home from school and then developing fevers and having to be re tested for the virus and isolate in the mean time so even though they are back at school they kind of aren’t and so most of this year when I have had any spare brain cells has been spent on homeschooling the kids. My partner fortunately was made redundant for part of the time – I say fortunately because the oldest was having to teach the youngest and that wasn’t fair but I wasn’t all that conscious and bills had to be paid etc… but then the job went which was stressful and stuff but worked out ok in the end. They now have a new job 🙂

And once all of that is taken into account there is the issue of what type of stories I tend to write – apocalyptic fiction, dystopian hells, disaster movie-ask horrors… all of this is a little too close to our everyday lives so though this year should have been the big launch of The Punk’s Universe I had already put the breaks on it as soon as it looked like the pandemic was going global etc… but to be honest I haven’t been able to face writing it either.

SO what to write – I keep feeling drawn back to it but also feeling incredibly edgy about the whole thing. I also feel that I have had yet another near death experience so really should get a wiggle on with this project that has now taken most of my life :/

For CampNaNo I looked at and attempted to write different things and to work on a not ultra depressing bit of the story line – I just did not have the energy if I am honest. I am seeing all this stuff about awesome things being produced historically in quarantine and now by people I actually know – people are writing and drawing and crafting and I am… well happy if I feel well enough to watch some netficks and made some food for everyone and somedays I can not manage either of those things.

I have also seen people saying it is our duty as writers to record what is going on but I just can’t and see that as pressure we just don’t need. It is ok that I haven’t been creating – this is a crisis situation and the only must of a crisis situation is survival.

Having said that I want to start being me again and it is September and traditionally that is my NaNo Prep Month – so I have begun prepping – not in my normal way and not really sure where I am going with it all or why – but I am going and that is the important part and I will as always be dragging the entire family with me – elderly mother and 9 yr old inclusive.

So basically – things have been rubbish, The Punk is on hold, I am prepping to do nano but with no pressure what so ever whilst still trying to maintain my love for this as my writing time of year. Crossing fingers that things will improve but assuming a lockdown and more hermit hiding which should at least help with the writing.

Also new glasses are awesome though my vision is still not what it was so still adapting to eyesight and computer use – so not sure how much computer writing will happen verses long hand and dictation.

Wish me luck 🙂

And hope, health, healing and happiness to everybody else <3

Posted: Tuesday, September 15th, 2020 @ 10:07 am
Categories: Waffle.
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